Services for Couples

I offer three services for couples, each of which focuses on a different stage of the relationship, type of goal, and the nature of the help they seek:

• Next Step Relationship Coaching™ is for couples who want to deepen their understanding of and commitment to each other during a transitional period in their relationship (e.g., moving in together, before getting engaged or married, becoming parents). 
• Couples Therapy is for couples whose relationship is having challenges that the partners have not been able to address effectively. 
• For couples contemplating separation/divorce, I offer discernment counseling, a consultation service of up to five sessions to help determine--to discern--whether to (1) keep things as they are at this time, (2) separate/divorce, or (3) fully commit to 6 months of couples therapy with each partner having an understanding of what he or she should work on.  (Note: Unlike couple's therapy, discernment counseling is not aimed at solving problems in the relationship; rather it is for the couple to determine—to discern—whether to commit to working on their problems.)
• For couples who have decided to proceed with a separation or divorce, I offer PreDivorce Couples Therapy™. Depending on the couple’s goal, the treatment helps partners develop a deeper understanding of the issues at hand and create a blueprint for a respectful working relationship. 

Next Step Relationship Coaching is for couples who want to deepen their commitment to each other during a transitional period in their relationship, such as moving in together, buying a home together, getting engaged or married, negotiating a prenuptial or co-habitation agreement, having a child. 

Next Step Relationship Coaching helps you both understand each other at a deeper level and share important values you each holds, particularly as it related to the next step in the relationship. Together we then identify conflict areas, both those associated with that next step and previous conflict areas that have not yet been resolved. I help you both detect potentially hurtful or unproductive patterns of managing conflict, and then help you both develop and practice targeted skills to manage your differences and conflicts with understanding and respect. 

I often use some of the methods of  Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which is based on 35 years of research on couples by psychologist John Gottman and others. This method of couples therapy helps partners:

• Increase respect, affection, and closeness
• Break through and resolve conflict when you feel stuck
• Generate greater understanding between you and your partner
• Keep conflict discussions calm
• Maintain improvements in your relationship.

Couples Therapy is for couples whose relationship is having challenges that the partners have not been able to address effectively. Such challenges may include hurtful patterns of interaction, problems handling conflict, differences in important values that cannot be resolved, sexual issues or differences, past betrayals (such as a physical or emotional affair, secretive financial transactions). During couples therapy, we identify the specific issues and goals, deepen each partner’s understanding of each other’s positions, and develop and practice new tools and skills to address these issues.

I generally use the   Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which is based on 35 years of research on couples by psychologist John Gottman and others. This method of couples therapy helps partners:

• Increase respect, affection, and closeness
• Break through and resolve conflict when you feel stuck
• Generate greater understanding between you and your partner
• Keep conflict discussions calm
• Maintain improvements in your relationship.

If you or your spouse are considering divorce or separation but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage or long-term relationship.

Discernment Counseling is a way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular couples therapy would help--and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage. Discernment Counseling will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later. 

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.

You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with me. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. I respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.

I emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

Number of Sessions: A maximum of five sessions. The first session is usually two hours and the subsequent ones are 1.5 or 2 hours.

Discernment Counseling is not appropriate for these situations:

• When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
• When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
• When there is danger of domestic violence.

For couples who have decided on separation/divorce, if offer PreDivorce Couples Therapy to help the partners have as amicable a process as possible and learn from the past.